Count to Ten… July 30, 2009

So of recent…I have a new hobby: listening to my iPhone on random and discovering songs that I never knew I had. One such song is Count to Ten by Tina Dico. I was at work, working on project alone (as I have done a lot of recently) and on came this song. It spoke to my heart.

Every now and again, I get wrapped up in my work and create a vicious cycle for myself of overanaylizing, overstressing and undersleeping. Okay…so I do it all the time. Every show I do. I guess you can say its me “routine”.

This show was no different. Here I am working for a company that I hadn’t worked for in a while, and never as stage manager. I had to prove myself. I had to go over and above what was expected. Thats what I do. That’s who I am. I become attached and want the best possible outcome for the show. No errors, no screwups, no “bad” moments. The whole thing has to be perfect.

Well Miss Saigon was a little more challenging then I am used to. Lots of things happening, a horrible script from the company and a portion of the score photo copied on a horrible copier. What could be worse? NOTHING

I spent hours and hours stressing over the first page on script (first 6 pages of music) and the 32 cues that had to happen. I HAD to call it perfectly. No excuses. I had to. For me. If I didnt there was no way I was calling the helicopter properly. Just wasnt happening. The two parts the audience is most enthralled in and I wasn’t going to screw it up. The cast had already been dealt a bad hand in the game, the director and I wasn’t going to let them down either. I had to get it right for them.

I listened to the music over and over and over again, ad nausium. Each time, memorizing the sequence of cues that had to happen. Then the moment of truth, opening night. Top of show, perfect. I had succeeded. Now on to the helicopter. Well, lets just say…I got pretty darn close. BUT not close enough for my liking. I was upset. From that point on, Kevin (our fabulous director) was to stand next to me and guide me through it. Why? Because it was another moment in the show where the publishing company left out what needed to happen and I was “flying blind” so speak. As a team, the next night, we succeed. At that point, I had the two hardest part of show down. On to the rest of the tings that needed to be taken care of, the paperwork

So im sitting backstage at the theatre, iPhone in ears, music on. This song comes on…I’m captivated. It all clicked. That was it. The advice that I needed to hear for days.

Here is what I heard:

There are faces,  there are smiles, so many teeth too many arms and legs
And eyes and flashing buttons all around me
I’m a-watching, I’m a-breathing, I’m a-pushing, I’m a wishing
That these walls would not be talking quite so loudly
I have lost it once before I’ve pulled myself up from the floor
And I am looking for a reason to stay standing
But sometimes it’s just too much or not enough or something else
It’s so much bigger than my head, it’s too demanding

Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to go slow
And sometimes if you wanna hold on you got to let go

I’m gonna close my eyes
And count to ten
I’m gonna close my eyes
And when I open them again
Everything will make sense to me then

It clicked. I had failed to sit back and take a breath through the whole show. I was constantly standing, always anticipating. I had failed to do the most basic task. Breathe and relax. So I took Tina’s advice. I took a deep breathe, then I called the difficult things. You know what. I worked. All the other little things just happened. Things happened, but it was ok. I didn’t need to stress over it. And when I didn’t stress, neither did the actors.

A lesson I had learned in college came flooding back to me. I was the one responsible for the attitudes of all those involved. If I didn’t think it was a big deal, neither did anyone else. I was there to calm the storn and see problems before they happen.

I think I was successful. And we had an awesome show as the payoff. I also meet some of the most awesome people I know and we have a blast. So glad that I decided to join them.

The memories will last for…well…probably a lifetime.

 

 

Click here  for a video of the song on YouTube.

I’m wide awake and so alive… April 8, 2009

So in my blog about the details of the tour, I said I would write about what I learned about myself. So here it goes.

When I first said Iwould take the gig, I was nervous, so much so that I thought that I might back out. After talking with friends, they convinced me I would have a great time. I am so glad that I decided to listen to them. What an experience!

The drive to Naples, alone in the car,3 hours on the road, heading to a city I had never been in, to spend time with people I had never met, was a long one. I put on some music and drove. And cried, and cried and cried. I just let all the frustrations of life, work, home, etc out. It felt so good. No one to answer to. No one sitting next to me giving me advice. No reason to talk. Just drive and cry. It felt so good. I was renewed in a sense. I didn’t cry for all 3 hours, just the first hour and a half. After that God and I had a nice long talk. It had been a while since I had some real one on one with Him. I needed it. I quickly learned, that that was the purpose for the trip. For those 3 hours. And for the 3 hours on the road back. The way back was spent talking to a man who had a fabulous career as a pianist. The wisdom of someone of his age is like that of none other. To be able to “pick” his brain for 3 hours and ask questions that you usually dont get to ask. I learned so much on the first journey that I knew I could learn more.

One my favorite conversations was over dinner one night with Arlene, Robert and the Jane’s. They talked to me about their careers and working with Marilyn Monroe, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers. To here Jane talk about being able to walk over to the Singing in the Rain set and see them film it was incredible. To here Arlene talk about filming Journy to the Center of the Earth was phenomenal. To here Robert talk about his unveiling of his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was fantastic. To know that I was eating dinner with some of Hollywood’s BIGGEST Stars was overwheming. These women had paved the way for women on the big screen. They are the reason Hollywood is what is today for women. To know that I was sitting with women, who probably would never perform again, due to their age was sad in a way. To know that I am currently the age they were when they were at their “brightest” was a reality check. They spoke about their families, their lives, their regrets. It made me think about what matters the most to me. For awhile I was consumed with having the next best thing and “keeping up with the Jones’s”. Who doesn’t have those temptations? But I had never looked at my life like they had looked at theirs. I had never been asked questions like they were asking. It was an eye opener. Another thing that the Lord had used to show me why I was on this show.

Now the whole show wasnt like that. There definately were some CRAZY fun times. Drinks and parties, dinner and drinks drinks and drinks. You get the point. But I was so worth it. I showed me who I was both personally and professionally. I have a new respect for myself. There were situations that I walked into and wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it. But I dug down,deep. I remembered what I had been taught in class, and what I had learned else where, both of which helped to solve problems. I learned that major MAJOR mistakes happen and how to deal with those too. I learned how to handle HIGHER management at Record Companies and how to handle irrate production team members.

Overall, all the way around, all encompassing, however you want to put it, I had a blast. The Lord showed me alot, I showed me alot…but hey…that’s what life is about.

Leave memories for auctioneers… March 30, 2009

is exactly what I did. I have left fond memories all over the state in the last 14 days. The tour has ended, I’ve returned home. I made some realizations and learned alot. I not only learned a lot about my career, but about myself. The last 3 cities brought on new challenges, new friends and even better memories.

The Vero Beach shows, both of them, had some moments, but overall were good. We started the morning super early, arriving at the venue before the crew. We decided to take a drive to the beach, we we go there, we got rained on…oh well. We went back and I did my thing, we had two pretty uneventful shows. I did convince the team to take the video guy with us to Kravis, that was a huge relief.

The next day, we were at the Kravis Center. It was a stressful day, I’ll admit it. We got there in the afternoon, the venue was doubt booked, things weren’t what I had asked for. But I figured it out, the crew was fantastic and we got done ahead of schedule.

After a few days off we headed to Sarasota. That’s where the real “adventure” began. The hotel was fantastic, they had free pizza aqnd beer/wine for dinner. Nothing like a drink by the pool  and hottub with the sun setting. The evening was uneventful, or so we thought.

Let me back track a little and explain who exactly was with us:

• Michael Feinstein and his boyfriend Terrance- they made a lot of the final decisions on things.
• Starleigh- the office manager of Concord Entertainment- she was flown in to drive and take care of the old crowd.
• The old crowd: it consisted of the following Arlene Dahl, and her husband, Jane Powell and her assistant, Jane Russell, who is 88 and her cousin, Pat who is 87 and Robert Osborne and his wife.
• Then there was myself and Andy, the production manager.

 Okay…so we all go to bed on Wednesday night. I wake up Thursday morning to a phone call, around 8:00AM from Starleigh, who said that I need to come down to Jane Russell’s room. There was a slight sense of panick in her voice. So I promptly get up, and walk down the hall way to Jane’s room. I walk in to see Jane had blood all over her face. When I asked what happened, she explained that she had fallen during the night, around 4:30AM, because she didn’t want to turn the light on when she got up to go to the bathroom because she didn’t want to wake Pat up. So I had to make the decision as to what to do. I called the conceirge and they told me that there was an Urgent Care center next door. Off we went. The Dr stitched her up with 6 stitches and proceeded to send us to the ER because of her age. She needed a CT scan, an MRI and and EEG. After 5 hours, we were cleared and went right to the venue. I managed to get done what I need to get done and we had a show. We then went off to a VIP party and back to the hotel.

The next morning we all parted ways. I was so upset. I was a blast. I learned to work in different settings, with different types of crews.

As far as what learned about myself. That will be another post. But I did decide to write a book.

When you travel with a celebrity… March 21, 2009

you get treated like one.

So I have just arrived home from stop number one. All I can say is that life is FANATSIC. I know that not all tours are like this, but if they were I would totally join one tomorrow.

Day 1- Wednesday: I drove from home to Naples…only to arrive at one of the most beautiful hotels I’ve stayed in…well…in a long time. The Naples Hilton had the most friendly helpful staff of any hotel with fabulous rooms. King size bed kitchenette, large flat panel TV, a huge desk and a fantastic bathroom. The view was specacular as well. I met up Andy, our tour Production Manager, and David, the pianist and we went to dinner. We went to the restaurant attached to the hotel  “Shula’s”…yes, as in Don Shula owner. The food was phenomenal and the dessert even more fantastic then the dinner. Although not all that eventful, I knew Andy and I were going to have a blast over the next two weeks.

Day 2- Thursday: I woke up to a knock on the door, room service had brought me breakfast, complete with Mimosa’s. I then got ready to head to the venue and meet with Andy again to talk about last minute changes to the run-down. Off we went to the venue. Upon arrival at the venue, we were shown to the Visiting Crew Production Office, were I setup my computer, printer and made myself feel “at home”. Andy did the same. Off I went to call focus. The union crew I had was amazing. We focused everything and cue’d the whole show in under two hours. At this point, lunch was served. Although it was only snadwiches, the spread was incredible. Again, only the best stuff served. We had a rehearsal where Arlene Dahl and Jane Russell joined us. That too went much quicker then planned so we were able to then run the whole show top to bottom and still have extra time. Then came time for dinner and the show. Dinner was amazing, again. The show was sold out. 1497 seats sold for a minimum of $125 a seat. The show was fantastic. We packed up and I just assumed that we were going back to the hotel. WRONG. Off to a VIP reception, complete with hor’dereves and cocktails. When I turned around, there stood Judge Judy…she has got to be on the funniest ladies I’ve ever met! We had a great time. Andy and I then went to the local hangout, I’m not even sure what time we got back to the hotel. Sometime between 2:30 and 3:00a. We had a blast, had a great conversation and were able to learn about each other a little more. I have dubbed him my “gay husband”. Off to bed we went.

Day 3- Friday: After a little sleep and some breakfast, on the road again it was. Only this was going to be an adventure. Ms. Russell had brought with her 10 train cases. She has spent 8 days on a train from LA to Naples, so she brought anything and everything she could. Our problem was we didn’t have a vehicle large enough, for everyone, all there things AND her 9 unexpected pieces of vintage Louis Vitton. So we decided that I would take back with me, luggage and David, the pianist and Albee, the drummer. I was in for a real treat. I was in the car with amazingly talented musicians and I had no idea, until we started to talk about our careers.

David’s career is SUPER impressive… here’s his bio http://www.fournations.org/lewisbio.htm

Albee…spent some time touring with John Denver. There is much more ton him than that, but I have yet to hear it all.

 

As the tour continues, we will add Robert Osborne and Jane Powell to the tour as well. I can honestly say that I am hanging out with and working with men and women who I read about in books and who changed the course of theatre and film. Its incredible and I’m so lucky..

Stay tuned…there will be more…

Almost time… March 16, 2009

Okay…so in 48 hours from  now I will be starting another chapter in my life. I am so excited yet scared and nervous. I’m going to be spending the better part of 15 days travelling to different cities, some familiar, some not, with Michael Feinstein and his crew. I can not believe that I have been given the opportunity to work with him. I am eternally thankful to Shannon, who couldn’t do the show and referred them to me.

Its been a journey so far and I haven’t left. I’ve spent the better part of a week working on things to get ready to leave. Light plots, paperwork, cuw sheet, scripts, you name it, I’ve created /typed it. I’m almost done with everything. A few more hours and I will be 100% set to leave (after I pack of course).

I’m actually getting really excited to spend some time in the car alone, just me and my music and my thoughts. Hopefully its an easy drive. I am in the process of creating an endless playlist of my favorite songs.  I can definitely say I’ve had a huge change in attitude in the last 24 hours…although I’m not surprise, lack of sleep has a huge effect on me.

I hopefully will have time to post pictures and blog about my experience each night. If not then hopefully at the end of each of 4 legs. We’re stopping in Naples, Vero Beach, West Palm and Sarasota.

Please keep me in your prayers for safe travels.

Everyday Influences January 13, 2009

So I had taken a break from writing for a while, but today I heard several different songs that inspired me to write again. Here are some of the lyrics that created the inspiration

“Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air? Have you ever looked fear in the face and said ‘I just don’t care?’ ”.

It made me think of being a child and being fearless. I was always trying new things, never afraid to take a leap and jump head first into something I had never tried and wasn’t scared of the out come. But when did that change? Was there a defining moment? A series of occurances? Or is it the world we live in? Are we forced, but our environment to become fearful of new situations? Im not sure. But I also know that I do want to thrown glitter in the air and see what happens? I bet its fun. I bet it brings back those childhood memories. 

“I’m drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this I just need a compass and a willing accomplice. All my doubt have filled my head cascading up and down again down an up, around again up and down and round again…Im learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes”

We have all made mistakes. Endless mistakes. Some we repeat over and over. But do we ever really consider them beautiful. What’s so beautiful about a mistake? For me them all seem to be hard, ugly mistakes. I would put myself down. Beat myself up and almost refuse to call them mistakes and brush them, refusing to learn from them. 

But looking back, I guess they could be considered beautiful. Without those mistakes, who would I be today? Our mistakes make us who were and I guess that is what makes mistakes beautiful but I have never thought of it that way before now. 

 

How often do you hear something and refuse to learn from it?  I think I might learn a little more each day now. Maybe not. I can’t be sure. But I’m sure gonna try.

 

“

Got to thinking… November 7, 2008

That although life has been pretty rough lately, that I have learned some pretty important lessons.

One- No matter how much you have in a saving account, it will only grow if you become a hermit and never leave the house. I had savings, the Jeep died…no big deal I’ll buy a new one. SWEET! Now I have a new car…I’ll start saving again…but nope…gotta put it in to fixing the new car thanks to some red-light runner! Guess that why its there. I just dont think I’m meant to have more then $3,000 in the bank at one time…

Two- No matter how much your job sucks…you still have to get up and go to work. Not that I hate my job, I just like when everything is quiet and I can function. Having people all over makes my time WAY less productive than usual! BUT once you get to your job, you usually realize that it does suck as much as it is about getting up early and not feeling good that is the worse part!

Three- Having a bed that sleeps more than one person doesn’t mean that you have to have someone else in it with you…in fact, being in a big bed alone makes sleeping much more enjoyable. You dont have to worry about falling off!

Four- No matter how much your family drives you crazy, thay still love you no matter what!

Five- Just when you begin to doubt your friends, they do something nice to make you realize that they do still care.

Six- Once you figure out the above things, it hits like a truck that you are infact an adult and life will not stop and let you off! Don’t worry about when it happened…just that it did happen and there is nothing you can do to change it

more to come

September/October 2008 November 3, 2008

September-

September brought about a trip to Colorado. I have to admit, I could totally see myself living there and raising a family in the small town of Salida. About 2.5 hour southwest of Colorado Springs, it is a quaint little town with 360 views of mountains. The wildlife is incredible and there are several Jeep trails to drive on. We explored until we couldn’t walk anymore. I left my heart there. I can’t wait to go back.

Here are some of my favorite photos:

That is one pods worth of seeds!

We had so much fun pulling the pods apart and making our own snow!

He was SUPER cool, and large!

How cute is he?

Don’t mess with this guy! (I was about 50 ft away)

I made a friend!

History on top of history

The rental car just about made it up there

Life and Death

These were down by the river!

This is the flower alive

The purple flowers died, leaving this

View of O’Haver Lake

Wild Cotton on the Cottonwood Tree

Wild Lavendar- Smelled amazing!

Octobber proved to be a lot more eventful, if you can believe it. The beginning of the month was pretty uneventful, but leave it to me to spice it up. I made it almost one year and I managed to not only bang myself up pretty badly, but my car as well. Since I posted pictures, I thought that I would explain it here what happened. So here it is:

On Wednesday October 28th, I was on Northlake Blvd, heading east when I got to the intersection at Congress Ave. As most of you know…its a pretty big, and busy intersection. Anyway, as I got to the intersection, I noticed a woman in a small red car head into the intersection (I had a greenlight), so I wasnt sure where she was going. I knew that right away that I was about to hit her if I didn’t act quickly. So I attempt to slow down and honk my horn. The whole honk the horn thing failed, because on this particular vehicle, I didn’t know where it was, so I pushed on the steering, which produced no sound what so ever. So I swerved to avoid hitting her. Keep in mind that I was in the far right, straight lane. While all this is going on, I noticed that she stopped so I thought she saw me. I mean I’m not hard to miss, BIG AND RED, you’d have to be practically blind to miss me. Anyway, she didn’t see me, and hit me on the right front tire/1/4 panel area, causing significant damage to my car and I think she might have totalled hers. It wasn’t a fair fight though. I’m WAY bigger than she was!  

This whole thing wouldn’t be so bad, if the moron cop hadn’t given me the ticket. He said that he could not determine whose fault it was, so he had to go based on what the witness said. Wanna know what the witness said: my light was yellow…HELLO MORON, IF MY LIGHT WAS YELLOW….HER’S WAS RED! I am PISSED about the ticket, more than I am the accident. If he couldn’t figure out whose fault it was, than don’t write a ticket. But he did because he said “I have to go with what the witness said”….ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

So I’m fighting the ticket! Can’t to let you all know how that goes.

As for me, well, I made it safely out of the crash, with some bruises on my left hand, right knee, some whiplash hand four dislocated ribs from the seatbelt! DEFINATELY could have been worse. Nothing broken, so I am counting my blessings and thanking the Lord for keeping me safe. I know that my guardian angels were with me!

OH…here is where some picture of what happened are located!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2025978&l=4f63b&id=70701770

Welcome September 27, 2008

So after seeing several friends start blogs and how cool they are…I decided to start one as well. Not to join a trend, but more of a place to maintain relationships that have suffered due to the fact that I am not the greatest at keeping people up to date as to what I am doing!

So here it goes.

A lot has happened this year, and Im excited about it now that I look back on it all. While the year started out not so great, with lots of health problems, combined with a lot of classes, and life wasn’t the greatest. But I trusted in the Lord and got through it all. I am a much stronger person because of it. But it wasn’t always hard. I did some traveling and had a blast. Went to New York for the first time and came away with a renewed sense of who I was and why I do what I do. Spring Awakening was a life changing experience, I can’t even describe what I took away from that show as a designer. I am a much better person because of that!

I also went Clemson, SC with Mary Stucchi and the KCACTF nominees for KCACTF and had a BLAST. We played on train tracks and took amazing pictures. We stopped in Savannah and saw the most amazing little town ever (well besides Clemson). 

May brought about graduation and with that, a major feeling of accomplishment and excitement. I was free woman to pursue things that I was forced to lay aside due to the high demands of the department. I spent the summer working. I worked with Atlantic Arts Academy on their two dance recitals, than went and worked with Harid Conservatory for theirs. After that I did Benjamin School Dance and Dance Arts Conservatory’s recital. Lets not forget Palm Beach Shakespeare Festival’s Shakespeare by the Sea (or in this case, by the swamp). Overall I enjoyed EVERY show. Took a lot away from each.

I bought a new car this summer as well. The Jeep died on the side of the road late one night and I was over it at that point. I learned that I was driving something unsafe for far to long. So I bought an 06 Nissan Xterra….she’s my baby. I am loving the simple fact that I have A/C and windshield wipers that spray cleaner! I guess I’m easily amused.

The summer came to a close and I began a new adventure. I started at PBA as their production assistant. I have to admit that I was extremely nervous about taking on the position, but I am very glad that I did. I have learned so much already and I am not even close to half way through it. Its such a rewarding experience. The added bonus is that I am still with all those I enjoy being around, I just don’t have the homework to deal with!

My next adventure is happening in less than a week. For the first time I will be traveling to the great state (or so I have been told) of Colorado. I am hoping to meet up with a friend while I am there, since I have not seen her in ages. I am also planning on doing some photography while I am there…something I have not been doing a lot of lately.

Oh..and I have become a book nerd. I am blowing thru books like crazy. My favorites this far are:

After the Leaves Fall by Nicole Baart

Summer Snow by Nicole Baart

Beautiful Boy by David Sherff

Pretty Little Dirty by Amanda Boyden

My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult

 

I have learned through all this to rely on myself and God. I am working everyday to become more of Him and less of me. I am starting to learn how to forgive and move on. I will not be able to walk as I want to while holding grudges against people.